Friday, June 26, 2009

Three weeks in America, part 3...

"First pee of the day," I remember Bridget telling me at some point. "That's when you have to do it."

I snuck downstairs to the guest bathroom before mom and dad got up.

My heart was racing. I didn't know what I wanted to see out of this thing. Like a young man struggling with his first condom, I was all thumbs in this operation. Such a simple task. I mean, many college degrees does it take to pee on a stick?!

I peed in great quantity, most of it on the stick, and waited in the bathroom a few minutes.

I stared at the little window.

At first, a blue horizontal line.

And shortly thereafter, a vertical one crossing it.

Aha! There we go! A BLUE PLUS! Well, that's gotta mean...something, right?!

Aw, nuts!!!...What the heck DOES it mean? In my haste leaving Amsterdam, I grabbed the stick without the instructions.

Can logic prevail here? Let's see...a plus could mean yes, a plus could mean no...well, which is it?

I sneak to my mom's computer and go on-line, looking at the website of the manufacturer.

"Damn! Why do they have to make so many models?!" I was thinking so loudly, I probably woke the neighbors.

I found what I thought was our model and looked at the results information...

" pink line, not pregnant...two parallel pink lines, pregnant..."

What the..?!?!? Pink PARALLEL lines?!?!? I have a flippin' blue plus!!!!

Noticing that it was early enough in Minnesota for it still to be nighttime in Amsterdam, I requested a video chat with Dave.

Three agonizing minutes later, he responded. Happily as always, of course!

"Hi honey! How was your flight? How did you sleep? I heard MInnesota had a snow st...."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...flight good. Lots of snow. Could you run up to my office and grab the pregnancy test instructions?"

"The preg...??!?!"

"Yes, the pregnancy test instructions. Just go get them, would you?"

One-hundred-and-twenty-four steps later (62 up, 62 down), he returned with the set of fold-out instructions that came in the box. With all of the writing on this four foot square piece of paper and the way Dave was navigating, you may have guessed I had asked him for directions from Biskinta to Beirut.

"Okay, says it's more likely to give a false NEGATIVE, than a false POSITIVE..........And........the negative shows when you just have a horizontal blue line. But if you have both a horizontal AND a veritical...a plus are, basically without a doubt........pregnant..."

All of the blood rushing in my body came to a dead halt. I held still, realizing that now this was as much of a moment for my husband as it was for me. Time to pull it together.

"So, you wanna see the stick?" I did my best ever poker face.

And there we were, connected by whatever it is that makes the internet tick, five-thousand miles apart, looking at our screens with amazement and unprecedented joy.

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